Evolution of Being

Passion

2009-12-17T13:45:00.000-08:00

Okay so I've just turned 28 and have decided that I am naming this new chapter of my life Passion. The past year or so was about focusing on self actualisation and growth and figure it is time I move on to bigger an better things.

What my chapter of Passion has in store for me I have no idea but what I can say is that I am looking forward to it and can't wait to grab it by both horns and fully embrace that which God intended for me.

So many thoughts are going through my mind right now that don't quite know where to start and where to end so for tonight I stop here with one goal to achieve for the next year or so...to Live, love and embrace passion in all I do regardless of how big or small.

The evolution continues

Blessings

2009-09-06T13:36:00.001-07:00

So find myself loving life as it currently is. Am blessed to be surrounded by so many special people in my life who each bring joy, growth and love. I don't quite know where to begin but feel as though I am finally fearless. I am no longer afraid of the unknown. I am no longer afraid of truly expressing myself, my feeling, my being and trust me when I say it has been a long and tedious road.

The Lord has blessed me with life. He has blessed me with love. He has blessed me with the gift of happiness and I live to appreciate it each day.

New and great things are happening, great things I tell you.

Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now

2009-08-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

So the question of the evening is how do you know when you've met the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. The movies go on about that feeling that all of a sudden overcomes you whilst on the other hand people tell you that only happens in the movies.

Watched something recently and have only come to the realisation that we constantly search for Mr. Right and he is know where to be found we then turn around and compplain about there being no more good men out there when back at the ranch perhaps it was not the right time. So as of now I am no longer looking for my perfect Mr. Right but rather for my Mr. Right Now coz when I am ready and my time comes I know that so will he. You can only really appreciate the good once you know what the bad is all about so perhaps it is time we all stopped questioning and started appreciating as well as learn to be more patient.

There is a reason that Mr. Right has not popped on by and perhaps at a later stage someone you may already have met or know will then become you Mr. Right Now...

This blog is a bit random I know but can't put everything into words at the moment and perhaps in due course this will all make more sense

Finding Happiness

2009-06-29T10:51:00.001-07:00

Wow it has been a couple of months and although I have not written as much as I have wanted my evolution still continues.

This year has been a year of great growth for me both emotionally and spiritually. It's like I've rediscovered my passion for life and for living. I started off this year with only one goal...Happiness and by God I am achieving it. The road to happiness and self actualisation is actually easier than people think. It began as a daily effort but has now become as easy as breathing...why nobody shared the secret with me earlier on is a wonder. It is all about waking up early and embracing the new day and enjoying what life has in store for you.

This year has been a year of great blessings. My friends and I finally went on the holiday we have talking about going on for years and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. This is also the year where we are finally going to our first wedding as well as the year we are experiencing our 1st pregnancy. And yes I did say our first pregnancy. This little one who is coming into our lives has no idea how much they are already loved although they are but 7 weeks old. It is really hard for me not to give them a sex right now...we are hoping for a little girl and our little pregnant fairy is hoping for a boy...I figure she should just have twins and that way we have a win-win situation. She doesn't agree but suppose that hoping does not hurt the soul.

This year has also been a year where I have learnt what it is I am looking for in a partner, what I am willing to put up with and what I refuse to be a part of and there have been many a surprise. I am still single in the "search" of finding him but I am still happy even with the moments of loneliness I experience. I suppose you can't get everything you want all at once now can you. It is about going through every individual experience, learning from it and prepping yourself for the next one that actually counts at the end of the day. I know that he is somewhere out there waiting to be found or to find me but I am actually okay with that. Wow it is amazing what a little bit of growth can do to someone.

The evolution continues so
Peace, love and highness until my next post

Change

2009-03-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

I feel a change coming into my life but not too sure where it is headed so it is kinda scary yet exciting all at the same time. All I know is that I gotta move with the cheese before the current cheese becomes stale or runs out.

So much has happened in the past year that I can't even begin to write anything down about it. But all I know is that it has had a huge impact in how I am living each day in the present moment.

There are moments in life where you don't quite know what curve ball you will be thrown next and whether you are going to come out of the situation or not. I suppose it is learning to duck, dive or hit the ball that in the end determines what the future is going to hold.

All I know is that it is time for a change. It is time I took stock and then control of my life. It is time that I take full responsibility for my life and not let others determine who and what I become.

I need to make the jump.
I must make the jump.
I will make the jump into the unknown and will live to tell the tale

Time...Fear...and all that Jazz

2008-10-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

Wow, can't begin to understand what has happened to the year. Seems like it was just yesterday when we were celebrating the new year and had all these resolutions that I was going to put into place. IT is basically almost 10 months later and am embarassed to say that I have still not got a solid gym programme, I have still not found something else to study, I have still not...well list would be to long so am stopping right here.

This year has not been particular easy for me, have had to grow and realise that sometimes life doesn't quite work out like you plan. People are not always what they seem to be and regardless of how much you love someone, sometimes love is not always enough to keep the two of you together. I have come out of all of this stronger and determined to still find that special someone you think irregardless of what life has thrown my way.

This year I also lost a very good friend in a car accident. We had the most amazing lunch one Sunday (whole group of us) and by the Wednesday she was no longer. I still have moments of questioning God, I still have moments of not understanding why it is always the good ones, the ones that you think you are going to grow old and grey with that are taken from you, I still have moments where it all seems unreal. Sibongile you left this place on the 6th August and it still hurts not to have you hear to ask all the difficult questions. We no longer have that person in a group who will ask us why we don't speak to the person we have issues with directly. My friend you have left a huge gap in this game we call friendship but I know that as long as we are all breathing you will always be near. Lala ngoxolo mgani wami. You are now with the angels where you belong.

This blog ends here...no energy to write any more and perhaps my next blog will be sooner rather than later where I will write about this new fear that is starting to overshadow me. It is hard to fall after a broken heart, it is hard to trust after a broken heart but I know that I will prevail. Bobo I can hear you saying "But Gal what makes you think he would not like you, you are beautiful and intelligent...aah but gal just tell him how you feel, maybe he feels that way to...what is the worst that could happen" Bobo, I am gathering my strength and will conquer. Wish you were here to share in this crazy moment

Ready...set...fire...go

2008-06-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

So last year I studied part time of course I know longer have the luxury of being a full time student anymore. 6 Modules and 1 Research Project, some hectic nights (making sure my assignments would be handed in by due date) later I find myself craving the need to once again take up the challenge of going back to school, learning a whole lot more, applying it to my day to day work, having a couple of sleepless nights and studious Saturday & Sunday afternoons. So I figure that this is my road to the MBA. It basically means 2-3 years of committing myself to this. Sounds like a celebrity marriage don't it. I'm ready to take this step. I'm ready for the challenge that lies ahead. I'm ready for the sleepless nights. I ready for the stress that comes with assignments and due dates. I'm ready by God I'm ready for this commitment

Naughty

2008-06-13T04:28:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days where you feel naughty?
Ever had one of those days where getting up to some mischief seems the only rational thing to do?
Today is such a day for me.

Suppose I get into this mood when I am feeling rather good about myself and feel like sharing the mood. So it is Friday afternoon at the office and the only thing I can really think about is getting out the office and letting the games begin but alas I must be a good little worker and work until it is time to go home.

Tonight I am going to be "making naughty" as one of my good friends call it. My naughty will hopefully not get me into too much trouble only just enough for me to have a really really good time and still live to tell the tale.

Hmmm. Watch out naughty here I come.

Direction

2008-06-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to begin or even how to begin but it has lead me back to my evolution.

Life often throws many challenges your way and I guess sometimes you don't deal with them in the correct manner instantaneously. Suppose my growth came to a point where I lost direction of my life and am slowly trying to put all the pieces back together again.

I went to an "Expression through colour" session today and what basically happens is you choose all these colours and the woman tells you about yourself. Now I am not gullible but what she said actually hit home and was spot on. I have realised that you don't always get what you want out of life and that self love is key to achieving all your dreams, goals & desires.

I have lost my way and am now trying to find direction and motivation to get back on track. It is going to be hard but I know that I will ultimately prevail.

Brain Wave vs. Brain Freeze

2008-03-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

Okay so my last blog was in Feb so am not doing too badly.

Work is hectic at the moment but am so loving what I am doing it's scary. Am constantly having major brain waves or brain freezes once the brain overload kicks in. Could not ask for two better people to work with - and they say that working with women is horrible, don't know where they are getting their information from. Actually read an article this morning that was in the Sunday Times (yes, two days later, what can I say) Business Times about how women tend to be better leaders. As I read it I kept on saying to myself, "Hey that is so my boss lady, she has the ability to get the best out of anyone without them even realising until the work is done."

Okay so that's enough on the work front. In terms of other things am currently going through a hectic procrastination phase. Keep delaying everything I set my mind to doing and that has gotta change.

My mind is all over the show as I write this. Keep thinking of things I should be doing i.e. Finally put some of my pics on CD and need to get them printed. How does a person accumulate 2.5 Gigs of pictures. Go figure Anyway that is going to be my next little Sunday afternoon project - Putting together a scrap book of memories. Can't actually wait to get started.

So this is one of the many many pics I need to put into this book. Taken when we went on a road trip to Durban in September 2006.Also need to start reading more books again. Have all these amazing books I've bought and haven't yet read and starting to feel guilty.

My mind just jumped again. Read something the other day that asks the question "Are black women becoming too independent". Can't write down my thoughts on that as it would be too vulgar to be read. I am so pro women and our issues that I often tend to take it all to the next level.

Am outtie for now with the hopes that I will return and write some amazing stuff soon. Am inspired constantly but need to physically get down to putting all the brain waves onto paper before the brain freeze takes control all over again.

Could not help myself, here is another pic of me and my baby (niece). Here name is Malaika and she is a "mini me". Constantly being told how I looked and acted just like here when I was her age. This is also from August 2006 so you can just imagine.

Ode to Time & Love

2008-02-26T03:30:00.000-08:00

Okay so it has been since November and feeling quite bad for not doing anything since then. Today is kind of a special day for me. Three years ago, on this particular day I met what I thought would be a quick fling...three years later and the fling aint a fling no more. Can't actually believe that time has gone by that quickly. I mean I remember exactly what he was wearing the day I met him, seems like just last week sometimes.

How quickly time flys by bring all kinds of things. Time has brought me good friendships (would not change any of my girls for the world) each one brings a completely new dimension into my life that I cant even begin to explain.

Time has brought me sadness and loss but with those came growth and wisdom. Still think of my grandfather constantly. Questioning why it is that people never quite know what they have 'til it's gone. Lala ngoxolo Khonjelwayo, Mlotshwa, Masina, Giyase.

Did I mention that time has brought me love in the form of Thabo...lol. How does the thought of a boy still make you smile that girlish smile three years later...Only God really knows. Our journey has not always been a smooth one (trust me) but all the bumps and meanders in the road have been worth it if it means that we are one step closer to reaching our destiny. Cant really describe what it is about him. It is the small things he does that to me mean the most. It's the little things in life that I am after. (this is obviously besides the dream house with massive windows and, yes 2 beautiful dogs playing in the back yard).

I thank Father Time for blessing me with wonderful role models in my two grandmothers and grandfather. I thank him for my wonderful friends -
Julz & Magz: We have come a long way from where we started off and innocent first years. I have not lost any innocence and am not at privelage to state your nyayas.
Stevie: Words often fail me. Some of the stuff we have gotten up to. All I can say is Friday was a blast and we once again had a Wimpy moment at the end of the evening.
Zoey: Regardless of how civilised you may try to act we all know what you are about and know that you will love us regardless of Friday night calls where we were laughing at you.
Kgomu/S'caza: Keep the faith. Have courage and all your dreams will soon become reality. Dont be so hard on yourself girl.

To all my other friends, ya'll know I have nothing but love for you. Thinking of you brings back back mad memories from falling off tables (Zoey), Losing shoes (Stevie), Bonding with the toilet seat (Julz), and blueness due to Sambucca(Magz)
There are so many other friends and just coz your name don't appear here dont me I love you any less.

To my friend, my soul mate, the love of my life and grandfather of our 9 grandchildren, today I love you just a little more than I did yesterday.

mmm...thought I would just...

2007-11-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

Okay so it is just over two months since I wrote something. Mind you it aint like I didn’t have anything good or controversial to say it is just that with all the things that are currently happening in my life I am finding it difficult to stop and breathe. Mind you the things that are happening are good, exciting, new, better than ever although they are taking up to much of my time as well as energy.

On the work, front things finally happened and are in my new position. Yippee for me. I worked hard to get to where I am in this moment and am gonna enjoy every little, tiny tiny bit of it until that hunger to do more starts again. Family life is also pretty amazing, I find that my relationship with my parents has changed drastically over the past couple of months and the change has been for the better. Relationship wise, well well well. I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong this is not your average kinda happiness, this kind is the long lasting, wake up in the morning and feel good kinda happiness that makes you have an awesome day regardless of what other people say. I’ve found that to be happy in any relationship you need to be happy with yourself first.

Don’t quite know what to write about today, just felt like writing something so that people would know that I am still alive, busy, but alive and living life to the fullest. I find myself changing; the things that I want out of life are changing. I am no longer the girl I used to be when I started this blog and although some of it has been captured on the “evolution of being” much more has been experienced with friends and loved ones.

I am going to make an effort to write more often…not too sure where I will get the time to do all that but hey I can do anything I set my mind to.

I’m outtie for now, back to work and preparing for tomorrow.

My Body is my own...I refuse to be blessed

2007-09-03T12:11:00.000-07:00

There has been this nagging irritation, this itch that has been bugging me for a while and I can never seem to get rid of it. Why is it that women never quite own their own bodies or minds? Growing up you “belong to your father, your mother, your parents, your family.” You then turn 16 or 17 or maybe even at the age of 21 you get a boyfriend and all of a sudden you are their possession, their girlfriend and no body else is entitled to you. You go from being a girlfriend to being a wife and once again, you are the sole property of your husband. Now the question that comes to mind right now is “So when do I belong to me. When do I possess ownership of myself as a woman?”

Why is it that men are constantly feeling the need to protect us and take up responsibility for our growth? Who asked them to do all this in the first place? I am my own woman and like many other women am getting really pissed off at constantly needing to be grateful to men for helping me along the way.

Now you probably wondering what brought all this up but I read an article tonight about how great or President has been in terms of women’s liberation and how much more he has done for “us” as opposed to other African leaders. On the flip side of this I recall another article read a couple of weeks ago which highlights almost the opposite stating that he’ll only support women if they basically “do as he says” and if they don’t then like our beloved Nozizwe they are voted out the tribe. Makes you wonder does not it.

Why must we as woman be grateful for finally being treated the way we should have been treated in the beginning? I refuse to be “blessed while in the presence of these great men”. Funny and strange, how when you express such feeling you all of a sudden become a man hater, a feminist, a bitter or angry woman. Why can’t I just be a woman who is expressing what she is feeling? Why is it that as soon as I have an opinion about something I all of a sudden become the enemy?

I count myself lucky though because I have been raised by a father who allowed me take ownership of my own body, who allowed and encouraged me to have an opinion about matters that were important to me and to also stand up for what I believe in regardless of whether others agreed with me or not. Now my father and I don’t always see eye to eye about everything but it’s okay because it is always at the times that we argue or disagree that I am most grateful for having him in my life.

Now my boyfriend on the other, I sometimes wonder how it happened that the two of us came across each other. I think the thing that attracts me to him is his strength in character, how he doesn’t seem to be intimidated by an educated woman who knows what she wants out of life. It’s difficult to find a person who respects you firstly as a human being before anything else comes into play. He has never tried to possess or take ownership of my being. We sometimes differ when it comes to certain issues but there is mutual respect there and by having a different opinion to him, I don’t become the enemy but rather the other side of the coin. He makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind up to do.

It’s at times like these I miss my grandfather who to me is the ultimate man. Now my grandfather was in no way perfect but by God, I loved him perfectly. To him gender did not determine what you could or could not do. People do what people need to do. In the 60s, he encouraged my grandmother to get her drivers license that was pretty strange for a black man of his times but to him driving a car was not solely reserved for men, it was something that he felt that everyone who has an opportunity to do should do. Now people often react strangely when they hear me talking about my now 78year old grandmother who not only drives but also has had her own car for many many many moons.

I grew up in a family where men and women have an equal voice, where they have equal responsibilities and mostly where no man owns or possesses the body or being of any woman. Perhaps that is why this itch just won’t go away, perhaps that is why I don’t understand why it is that we as woman act blessed when a man “empowers you”. Should this not be the way things should be from the get go.

Fire...Fire

2007-08-13T09:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve been away for ages I know but hey thought I would pop my head in quick and post something before I let all the other things happening in my life take control.
Have been so consumed with work, school and life that without even noticing it almost two months have gone by since my last blog

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

For a brief moment I lost my inner fire but Fortune was looking at me favorably and I encountered another human being who ignited the flame again.

It’s strange because this encounter came at an unexpected time when I didn’t even realise that the inner fire and gone out. I was living day to day doing what I had to do without consciously thinking of what it is I was doing or how it would affect me in the future.

To this human being I say Thank You! You once again made me realise just what I had to offer the world. You made me realise and once again find the inner fire in me which has given me a new way at how I view the world and it’s surroundings.

My wish for everyone is that when ever their inner fire goes out may they be fortunate enough to have an encounter with another human being who once again rekindles their inner spirit.

Enough said.

This is not Hate speech...

2007-06-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

The words you are about to read are in know way hate speech although they do however reflect the thoughts and frustrations of the writer as well as other individuals. I do not speak for every black person nor every woman when I write what I write, I simply use this forum as a way of expressing what I feel.

AAAGH. Was on a flight this evening and had the unfortunate luck of sitting besides two white men who made me realise that we are far from liberation, we are so far from democracy and as long as there are people like this, in this country then we still have so much work to do without realizing what lies ahead.

How many times have you as a black person heard the phrase “We train them, give them good experience and all they do is put it onto their CVs and walk away going to companies that will offer them more money”. Hello white man, not all black people are the same. Why must you generalize? Not every black person is chasing money but rather opportunity to grow. If we are in a company and feel that, they are no longer growing us then trust me when I say “WE WILL LEAVE” get over it. Times have changed, we as black people have more choices now. We are no longer forced to stay in low paying jobs with the fear of not being able to find another one. Get over it; deal with the issues at hand. If your employee is not satisfied with their job, they will leave. Another statement they also made tonight was how there were no longer any qualified people to do jobs as all the white graduates find it difficult to find jobs and thus leave the country. Need I say hello once again, A couple of years ago I was fresh out of university, I’m black and I’m a woman and I still found it difficult to find a job. That is how the job market works. Everyone is looking for people with 2-3 years experience in this field or the other. It is difficult for all graduates to find jobs regardless of their skin colour. I sat there in the plane as I ate my meal and thought to myself, “Do I make a comment about what they are saying, what they have said” and I decided against because as they continued to talk I started feeling sorry for these two white men as they were obviously suffering from a Post 1994 hangover where white people automatically got jobs because their fathers or mothers knew someboady who knew someboady. The playing field has been evened and if you aint good enough to play on the team then I suggest you put in some extra hours at the gym else get out my country, we don’t need people who think like you here.
AAAAGH, it makes me so angry cant even begin to describe the anger.

Another thing that comes to mind as I sit and write this is the fact that men just don’t have respect for us as women. Hollering, whistling, and shouting out comments as if them shouting comments are a turn on. STOP IT COZ IT AINT but hey lets leave that subject for another day when my frustrations at the things people do gets the best of me.

Oh almost forgot something else these idiotic men on the plane spoke about. How there is no public transport system in South Africa that caters for the masses. Damn what do you think taxis and buses are? Where do they begin to judge a system they have made judgment about without even having experienced it themselves? To them I say “genchi genbutsu) Japanese for see it for yourself first. How dare they speak about a system that they have never used before. Who made them king of the castle and rulers of the world. Okay so I agree that our public transport system may not be as reliable as the ones else where in the world but whose fault is that? Pre or Post 1994. Taxis and buses provide essential services for the majority of South Africans. Who will the amazing gau-train service, who is going to be able to afford to use it: the masses or the elite? Aaaagh, I’m frustrated at the constant stupidity of men like those two and trust me that there are many of them. AAAAAGGGHHHHH.

Phenomenal Woman

2007-06-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

…Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see…

I'm a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That's me…

Starting this blog off with a quote from the poem by no one other than Ms Angelou herself, coz it says everything I want to say in just a couple of words.

I’ve been fortunate enough to be blessed with an amazing group of women that constantly inspire me from day to day. The greatest one of all being my iGogo (grandmother) who is thee ultimate woman in my opinion. Can’t even begin to describe the influence she has had on my life. She is the epitome of strength, courage, endurance, kindness, faith and most of all love. She continues to amaze me with every moment I spend in her company.

My iGogo is they type of person who attracts all types of “strays” as I call them. Now I am talking about arriving at her house on a Saturday afternoon and finding a group of young children sitting and “telling her stories”. After they leave I often say “Manje” (and now) and she will explain how they are her friends and had come to pay her a visit. How 6 & 8 year olds relate to her is still a wonder to me. I mean these children leave their homes and come visit a woman who is almost 80 just because they enjoy her company! I guess what they say about how children can sense goodness and evil in people must be true coz then these children prove my point on how my grandmother must be one of the ultimate symbols of goodness.

It is not only the visits with the children that inspire me but rather her interaction with people as well as how she has dealt with the fast balls life has thrown her way. I watched this woman take care of my grandfather after his stroke. For lack of a better word it was beautiful. My grandfather had gotten to the point where he was unable to do most things for himself and my iGogo constantly did them for him, without losing patience, without losing respect and whilst doing it showed him all the love in the world. I looked at her and at that point decided that for me she was my ultimate being. I doubt I would ever get to her level of giving and loving unconditionally She is my ultimate woman. When I grow up, I strive to be just like her.

Most people look at the older women in their families and fail to realise the power they hold. From my grandmother I have learnt about perseverance, I have learnt about faith and about giving selflessly but most of all I have learnt self-love and appreciation. There are no words that could begin to describe what she means to me or the influence she has on my life.

This started off as a blog about phenomenal women and has ended up as a blog about just one phenomenal woman. Perhaps this one ultimate woman symbolizes the women I have drawn into my inner circle of friends. Strong women who continuously inspire and motivate me to also become the ultimate woman.

Ithemba lam’

2007-06-14T16:32:00.000-07:00

Due to technological mishaps this blog was meant to be posted yesterday but alas sometimes technology she cannot be my friend.

There is a Zulu hymn which starts of by saying “Ithemba lam’…Ithemba lam” which loosely translated means “My Hope.” It goes on to say I will rise and fall with this hope until I reach the gates of heaven.

So where am I going with all this…well that this morning I read a quote which said “Life ends when u stop dreaming, hope ends when u stop believing…” and then later on in the morning an amazingly talented friend sent me something (which is on the hush right now) which has a picture of her and the tattoo she has on her back which has this exact phrase “Ithemba lam”. Earlier I had read something else where it sounded like someone was crying as they feel as though they have lost the dreams of their childhood, they have lost all hope in what life should be bringing forward to them they felt hopeless at not having reached the goals they had set out for themselves as a child.

My questions after linking three relatively different things this morning are –
Where has Hope gone?
Is she hiding behind the door?
Is she hiding under the bed?
Has she taken a break coz she is so tired of trying to make people believe in the future, in anticipating the good that will come out if only they hold on just a little more longer?

It brings me to ask myself where my hope is, where has she gone, where did she even come from in the beginning? Are we inherently born with hope in the same way we are born with mortal sin?

Is Hope the daughter of Religion?

All these questions and no one to answer them. Perhaps I first befriended Hope as a young child in church, where I learnt that there was always something better coming even though it seemed hopeless at that particular moment. I guess most black children can identify with the religious side of life. I like many remember how every Saturday or Sunday you got into your best clothes and headed off to find salvation in one form or the other. To this day, I still hear the church choir singing hymns in my head. I am still moved when I hear particular songs. I still find a level of comfort in the voice of my grandmother as she sings her favourite hymn – Ingelosi engilonda. This hymn is about the angel that watches over you during the daytime & at night. The angel that guides you when you are blind and need help but mostly the same angel who when you are tired of this life and can no longer go on, will take you home to our mighty Father. I love my iGogo and perhaps tomorrow I will do my blog on women who inspire me. She is my ultimate being.

Where is Hope? What has happened to her? I constantly lose touch with my friend Hope but I know like a true friend she never gives up on me, she always comes back when I am at my lowest and gives me a helping hand. Sometimes I wish I were more loyal to her; I wish I kept in touch with her more. From today onwards, I am going to make an effort to stay in touch with my friend Hope. I miss her. From tomorrow, I will make an effort to make Hope a permanent part of my life.

Love

2007-06-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, one of my good friends sent us all Damien Rice’s – The Blower’s Daughter and as I listened to it all these thoughts came flooding through my mind about love, about what it might mean to love someone about how simple yet complex love can be.

Today as I sit and listen to the song, again I am reminded of Bonnie Raitte’s song “I can’t make you love me”. Both these songs talk about loving someone and that love kinda been one way. Have been trying without any success to find out the meaning behind “The Blower’s Daughter” and all I came up with was the fact that she was the daughter of Damien’s Clarinet teacher and so I have come up with my own conclusion of what the song really really means. So she must have been a girl she couldn’t get. She was right there yet still unattainable and regardless of what he did, he just couldn’t let go of her he was obsessed with her and perhaps she has similar feelings but both could do nothing, both were helpless. So is this the story of a love that could never be? Is this the story of two people who were so right for each other but could just not come together? I don’t have thee answer all I know is that every time I listen to it, it makes me feel…cant seem to find the right word. It is not sad but it is, just cant put it into words at this particular point in time. Perhaps it makes me think of a lost love, a love that regardless how hard I tried to make happen it never quite worked. Perhaps it is the story of someone else and his or her struggle to love and be loved.

On the other side of the coin, there is Bonnie Raitte’s song where the message is pretty clear. There is no doubting where she is coming from as she sings the chorus and says

“cause I cant make you love me if you don’t
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you don’t”

To love someone and them not love you back. To love someone to the point where you can’t stop even when you know that they will never feel for you what you feel for them. It’s harsh but it is definitely reality. Can’t say I know what it feels like to love somebody and not have them love you back but yet this song still speaks to me. Am not too sure if Bonnie wrote this song or even if she is the original singer, all I know is that she touched a cord and still does every time I hear it.

This weekend I fell in love with Rock ‘n Roll. What do I do if I cant be with him, what do I do if I have these feelings for Rock ‘n Roll and Rock ‘n Roll does not return my love. Where do I go from there? Love is meant to be all these things. According to wikipedia, Love is a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. The meaning of love varies relative to context. Romantic love is seen as an ineffable feeling of intense attraction shared in passionate or intimate attraction and intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships. If this is love then why oh why must it hurt. If this is love then why are people so afraid of it. Greek words for love, reflecting the concept's depth, versatility, and complexity. Why must love be so complex, why can it not just be simple?

I know all this yet I still choose to love.
I still choose to love me,
I still choose to love you and yes
I still choose to love Rock ‘n Roll

Rock 'n Roll...hmmm

2007-06-11T03:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend I fell in love with Rock ‘n Roll. I have previously never even had an inclination to give this “type” of music the time of day but on Friday night, Rock ‘n Roll shoved me against the wall, forced himself on me and made me listen to what he had to say. Oh and did he not just whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I can remember his touch, so gentle yet so masculine; his words were bitter yet sweet. He literally rocked my world and as I listened, I understood just where he was coming from, but could not understand why he had taken so long to reveal himself

Earlier on that evening a good friend had stated that Rock ‘n Roll is the purest form any black artist can express themselves in and after Black Jacks’ (excuse the spelling) performance on Friday night I finally understood what he meant. Unlike previous beliefs I found Black Jack & their interpretation of Rock ‘n Roll speaking to me personally, I could hardly hear the lyrics as the lead singer was saying them to the predominantly white audience but I felt the beats deep within me, I felt them carry me back to my past, to me as a child playing on the street. It took me back to Sunday sessions at my uncle’s house. It took me back to Christmas lunches with the whole family. It took me back to the passing on of loved ones and happy moments I had shared with friends. As I stood there swaying by body to the humma humma of their music my body was transported to another realm. Was this what music was all about? How had I missed out on all this…all my life!

This weekend I fell in love with Rock ‘n Roll, I fell and stumbled without even expecting to and like Jill Scott says “Love slipped from my lips, dripped down my chin and landed in his lap” That’s exactly how I felt…as though I had no control over the situation at all, it all just kinda happened with me just standing there unable to stop the revolution.

This weekend I fell in love with Rock ‘n Roll.

The Revolution

2007-06-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

Okay so anyone who knows me knows that I am big on quotes. I write them down, sms them, e-mail them to friends, family, whomever I know or “think” will appreciate them. My one friend (yes you know who you are and I aint ever gonna be sending you quotes anymore) often laughs at me and my need for “living of quotes”. I mean there is a quote to suite every single situation or mood one might be in. So today’s quote is from no one other than Miss Sarah Jones herself, have loved her since I discovered her. She is all about being in a state of mind that looks at life, at love, and questions exactly what it is we are really on earth for. Okay so here it goes”

“Your revolution makes me wonder
Where could we go
If we could drop the empty pursuit of props and the ego
We'd revolt back to our roots
Use a little common sense on a quest to make love
De la soul, no pretense”

Okay so this is a passage from what I think is called “Your revolution will not happen between these thighs”. People often say use what you have to get what you want, but when does using become abusing I ask? I’ve been told I have a killer smile and other attributes which could get me anything I want. I smile as I write back and think to my varsity days when it was all about the chase, all about finding the target, aiming and then shooting. It was fun, it was glorious, for lack of a better word, it was superlomfifious.

This poem makes me wanna jump up and say “YES SISTER I AGREE WITH YOU, AINT NO WAY THAT HIS REVOLUTION IS GONNA HAPPEN BETWEEN THESE THIGHS.” Far to often women are objectified and made to believe that “as a girl” you need to act in a certain way, that proper ladies don’t do this or don’t do that. That if you want to be successful the only way of ensuring it is by losing this, using that i.e. losing what it is that defines you. So yes Sister Sarah I will join you in ensuring that the revolution occurs in the correct manner.

These views are my own, they are not the views of any other person. I can think for myself and have an opinion on the things that I believe will affect me and my greatness.

I’m a feminist, so deal with it!

I’m not going anywhere, I’m here to stay!

Oh and just incase you were thinking I am afraid of you and your thoughts, this is what I look like, come and find me if you dare!

Heeuwee, ha damn!!

In the Beginning

2007-06-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

Okay so it all has to begin somewhere right?

The Evolution of Being, is me opening a new chapter in my life. It is my journey of self actualisation and self realisation.

Evolution of Being is about the fruition, the development, the growth, the progression, and the advancement of my being, of me as an individual in the realms of society.

So here it is for all to see and experience this journey of the precious jewel I know I will become. We all know we have the ability to be great, that greatness lies within all of us but sometimes we fear our greatness, we fear all the things that could become possible if only we tried just a little more and just a little longer.

The Evolution of Being is my journey towards greatness. I don't expect to have a smoothly tarred road along the way, I expect there to be hills and valleys as I travel towards my final destination.

This is just me...letting you...see into me...as I journey towards my greatness.

Watch out greatness I'm coming for you!