My Body is my own...I refuse to be blessed

There has been this nagging irritation, this itch that has been bugging me for a while and I can never seem to get rid of it. Why is it that women never quite own their own bodies or minds? Growing up you “belong to your father, your mother, your parents, your family.” You then turn 16 or 17 or maybe even at the age of 21 you get a boyfriend and all of a sudden you are their possession, their girlfriend and no body else is entitled to you. You go from being a girlfriend to being a wife and once again, you are the sole property of your husband. Now the question that comes to mind right now is “So when do I belong to me. When do I possess ownership of myself as a woman?”

Why is it that men are constantly feeling the need to protect us and take up responsibility for our growth? Who asked them to do all this in the first place? I am my own woman and like many other women am getting really pissed off at constantly needing to be grateful to men for helping me along the way.

Now you probably wondering what brought all this up but I read an article tonight about how great or President has been in terms of women’s liberation and how much more he has done for “us” as opposed to other African leaders. On the flip side of this I recall another article read a couple of weeks ago which highlights almost the opposite stating that he’ll only support women if they basically “do as he says” and if they don’t then like our beloved Nozizwe they are voted out the tribe. Makes you wonder does not it.

Why must we as woman be grateful for finally being treated the way we should have been treated in the beginning? I refuse to be “blessed while in the presence of these great men”. Funny and strange, how when you express such feeling you all of a sudden become a man hater, a feminist, a bitter or angry woman. Why can’t I just be a woman who is expressing what she is feeling? Why is it that as soon as I have an opinion about something I all of a sudden become the enemy?

I count myself lucky though because I have been raised by a father who allowed me take ownership of my own body, who allowed and encouraged me to have an opinion about matters that were important to me and to also stand up for what I believe in regardless of whether others agreed with me or not. Now my father and I don’t always see eye to eye about everything but it’s okay because it is always at the times that we argue or disagree that I am most grateful for having him in my life.

Now my boyfriend on the other, I sometimes wonder how it happened that the two of us came across each other. I think the thing that attracts me to him is his strength in character, how he doesn’t seem to be intimidated by an educated woman who knows what she wants out of life. It’s difficult to find a person who respects you firstly as a human being before anything else comes into play. He has never tried to possess or take ownership of my being. We sometimes differ when it comes to certain issues but there is mutual respect there and by having a different opinion to him, I don’t become the enemy but rather the other side of the coin. He makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind up to do.

It’s at times like these I miss my grandfather who to me is the ultimate man. Now my grandfather was in no way perfect but by God, I loved him perfectly. To him gender did not determine what you could or could not do. People do what people need to do. In the 60s, he encouraged my grandmother to get her drivers license that was pretty strange for a black man of his times but to him driving a car was not solely reserved for men, it was something that he felt that everyone who has an opportunity to do should do. Now people often react strangely when they hear me talking about my now 78year old grandmother who not only drives but also has had her own car for many many many moons.

I grew up in a family where men and women have an equal voice, where they have equal responsibilities and mostly where no man owns or possesses the body or being of any woman. Perhaps that is why this itch just won’t go away, perhaps that is why I don’t understand why it is that we as woman act blessed when a man “empowers you”. Should this not be the way things should be from the get go.