Time...Fear...and all that Jazz

Wow, can't begin to understand what has happened to the year. Seems like it was just yesterday when we were celebrating the new year and had all these resolutions that I was going to put into place. IT is basically almost 10 months later and am embarassed to say that I have still not got a solid gym programme, I have still not found something else to study, I have still not...well list would be to long so am stopping right here.

This year has not been particular easy for me, have had to grow and realise that sometimes life doesn't quite work out like you plan. People are not always what they seem to be and regardless of how much you love someone, sometimes love is not always enough to keep the two of you together. I have come out of all of this stronger and determined to still find that special someone you think irregardless of what life has thrown my way.

This year I also lost a very good friend in a car accident. We had the most amazing lunch one Sunday (whole group of us) and by the Wednesday she was no longer. I still have moments of questioning God, I still have moments of not understanding why it is always the good ones, the ones that you think you are going to grow old and grey with that are taken from you, I still have moments where it all seems unreal. Sibongile you left this place on the 6th August and it still hurts not to have you hear to ask all the difficult questions. We no longer have that person in a group who will ask us why we don't speak to the person we have issues with directly. My friend you have left a huge gap in this game we call friendship but I know that as long as we are all breathing you will always be near. Lala ngoxolo mgani wami. You are now with the angels where you belong.

This blog ends here...no energy to write any more and perhaps my next blog will be sooner rather than later where I will write about this new fear that is starting to overshadow me. It is hard to fall after a broken heart, it is hard to trust after a broken heart but I know that I will prevail. Bobo I can hear you saying "But Gal what makes you think he would not like you, you are beautiful and intelligent...aah but gal just tell him how you feel, maybe he feels that way to...what is the worst that could happen" Bobo, I am gathering my strength and will conquer. Wish you were here to share in this crazy moment

Ready...set...fire...go

So last year I studied part time of course I know longer have the luxury of being a full time student anymore. 6 Modules and 1 Research Project, some hectic nights (making sure my assignments would be handed in by due date) later I find myself craving the need to once again take up the challenge of going back to school, learning a whole lot more, applying it to my day to day work, having a couple of sleepless nights and studious Saturday & Sunday afternoons. So I figure that this is my road to the MBA. It basically means 2-3 years of committing myself to this. Sounds like a celebrity marriage don't it. I'm ready to take this step. I'm ready for the challenge that lies ahead. I'm ready for the sleepless nights. I ready for the stress that comes with assignments and due dates. I'm ready by God I'm ready for this commitment

Naughty

Ever had one of those days where you feel naughty?
Ever had one of those days where getting up to some mischief seems the only rational thing to do?
Today is such a day for me.

Suppose I get into this mood when I am feeling rather good about myself and feel like sharing the mood. So it is Friday afternoon at the office and the only thing I can really think about is getting out the office and letting the games begin but alas I must be a good little worker and work until it is time to go home.

Tonight I am going to be "making naughty" as one of my good friends call it. My naughty will hopefully not get me into too much trouble only just enough for me to have a really really good time and still live to tell the tale.

Hmmm. Watch out naughty here I come.

Direction

So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to begin or even how to begin but it has lead me back to my evolution.

Life often throws many challenges your way and I guess sometimes you don't deal with them in the correct manner instantaneously. Suppose my growth came to a point where I lost direction of my life and am slowly trying to put all the pieces back together again.


I went to an "Expression through colour" session today and what basically happens is you choose all these colours and the woman tells you about yourself. Now I am not gullible but what she said actually hit home and was spot on. I have realised that you don't always get what you want out of life and that self love is key to achieving all your dreams, goals & desires.

I have lost my way and am now trying to find direction and motivation to get back on track. It is going to be hard but I know that I will ultimately prevail.

Brain Wave vs. Brain Freeze

Okay so my last blog was in Feb so am not doing too badly.

Work is hectic at the moment but am so loving what I am doing it's scary. Am constantly having major brain waves or brain freezes once the brain overload kicks in. Could not ask for two better people to work with - and they say that working with women is horrible, don't know where they are getting their information from. Actually read an article this morning that was in the Sunday Times (yes, two days later, what can I say) Business Times about how women tend to be better leaders. As I read it I kept on saying to myself, "Hey that is so my boss lady, she has the ability to get the best out of anyone without them even realising until the work is done."

Okay so that's enough on the work front. In terms of other things am currently going through a hectic procrastination phase. Keep delaying everything I set my mind to doing and that has gotta change.

My mind is all over the show as I write this. Keep thinking of things I should be doing i.e. Finally put some of my pics on CD and need to get them printed. How does a person accumulate 2.5 Gigs of pictures. Go figure Anyway that is going to be my next little Sunday afternoon project - Putting together a scrap book of memories. Can't actually wait to get started.


So this is one of the many many pics I need to put into this book. Taken when we went on a road trip to Durban in September 2006.Also need to start reading more books again. Have all these amazing books I've bought and haven't yet read and starting to feel guilty.

My mind just jumped again. Read something the other day that asks the question "Are black women becoming too independent". Can't write down my thoughts on that as it would be too vulgar to be read. I am so pro women and our issues that I often tend to take it all to the next level.

Am outtie for now with the hopes that I will return and write some amazing stuff soon. Am inspired constantly but need to physically get down to putting all the brain waves onto paper before the brain freeze takes control all over again.

Could not help myself, here is another pic of me and my baby (niece). Here name is Malaika and she is a "mini me". Constantly being told how I looked and acted just like here when I was her age. This is also from August 2006 so you can just imagine.

Ode to Time & Love

Okay so it has been since November and feeling quite bad for not doing anything since then. Today is kind of a special day for me. Three years ago, on this particular day I met what I thought would be a quick fling...three years later and the fling aint a fling no more. Can't actually believe that time has gone by that quickly. I mean I remember exactly what he was wearing the day I met him, seems like just last week sometimes.

How quickly time flys by bring all kinds of things. Time has brought me good friendships (would not change any of my girls for the world) each one brings a completely new dimension into my life that I cant even begin to explain.

Time has brought me sadness and loss but with those came growth and wisdom. Still think of my grandfather constantly. Questioning why it is that people never quite know what they have 'til it's gone. Lala ngoxolo Khonjelwayo, Mlotshwa, Masina, Giyase.

Did I mention that time has brought me love in the form of Thabo...lol. How does the thought of a boy still make you smile that girlish smile three years later...Only God really knows. Our journey has not always been a smooth one (trust me) but all the bumps and meanders in the road have been worth it if it means that we are one step closer to reaching our destiny. Cant really describe what it is about him. It is the small things he does that to me mean the most. It's the little things in life that I am after. (this is obviously besides the dream house with massive windows and, yes 2 beautiful dogs playing in the back yard).

I thank Father Time for blessing me with wonderful role models in my two grandmothers and grandfather. I thank him for my wonderful friends -
Julz & Magz: We have come a long way from where we started off and innocent first years. I have not lost any innocence and am not at privelage to state your nyayas.
Stevie: Words often fail me. Some of the stuff we have gotten up to. All I can say is Friday was a blast and we once again had a Wimpy moment at the end of the evening.
Zoey: Regardless of how civilised you may try to act we all know what you are about and know that you will love us regardless of Friday night calls where we were laughing at you.
Kgomu/S'caza: Keep the faith. Have courage and all your dreams will soon become reality. Dont be so hard on yourself girl.

To all my other friends, ya'll know I have nothing but love for you. Thinking of you brings back back mad memories from falling off tables (Zoey), Losing shoes (Stevie), Bonding with the toilet seat (Julz), and blueness due to Sambucca(Magz)
There are so many other friends and just coz your name don't appear here dont me I love you any less.

To my friend, my soul mate, the love of my life and grandfather of our 9 grandchildren, today I love you just a little more than I did yesterday.