Ready...set...fire...go

So last year I studied part time of course I know longer have the luxury of being a full time student anymore. 6 Modules and 1 Research Project, some hectic nights (making sure my assignments would be handed in by due date) later I find myself craving the need to once again take up the challenge of going back to school, learning a whole lot more, applying it to my day to day work, having a couple of sleepless nights and studious Saturday & Sunday afternoons. So I figure that this is my road to the MBA. It basically means 2-3 years of committing myself to this. Sounds like a celebrity marriage don't it. I'm ready to take this step. I'm ready for the challenge that lies ahead. I'm ready for the sleepless nights. I ready for the stress that comes with assignments and due dates. I'm ready by God I'm ready for this commitment

Naughty

Ever had one of those days where you feel naughty?
Ever had one of those days where getting up to some mischief seems the only rational thing to do?
Today is such a day for me.

Suppose I get into this mood when I am feeling rather good about myself and feel like sharing the mood. So it is Friday afternoon at the office and the only thing I can really think about is getting out the office and letting the games begin but alas I must be a good little worker and work until it is time to go home.

Tonight I am going to be "making naughty" as one of my good friends call it. My naughty will hopefully not get me into too much trouble only just enough for me to have a really really good time and still live to tell the tale.

Hmmm. Watch out naughty here I come.

Direction

So much has happened in the past month that I don't even know where to begin or even how to begin but it has lead me back to my evolution.

Life often throws many challenges your way and I guess sometimes you don't deal with them in the correct manner instantaneously. Suppose my growth came to a point where I lost direction of my life and am slowly trying to put all the pieces back together again.


I went to an "Expression through colour" session today and what basically happens is you choose all these colours and the woman tells you about yourself. Now I am not gullible but what she said actually hit home and was spot on. I have realised that you don't always get what you want out of life and that self love is key to achieving all your dreams, goals & desires.

I have lost my way and am now trying to find direction and motivation to get back on track. It is going to be hard but I know that I will ultimately prevail.

Brain Wave vs. Brain Freeze

Okay so my last blog was in Feb so am not doing too badly.

Work is hectic at the moment but am so loving what I am doing it's scary. Am constantly having major brain waves or brain freezes once the brain overload kicks in. Could not ask for two better people to work with - and they say that working with women is horrible, don't know where they are getting their information from. Actually read an article this morning that was in the Sunday Times (yes, two days later, what can I say) Business Times about how women tend to be better leaders. As I read it I kept on saying to myself, "Hey that is so my boss lady, she has the ability to get the best out of anyone without them even realising until the work is done."

Okay so that's enough on the work front. In terms of other things am currently going through a hectic procrastination phase. Keep delaying everything I set my mind to doing and that has gotta change.

My mind is all over the show as I write this. Keep thinking of things I should be doing i.e. Finally put some of my pics on CD and need to get them printed. How does a person accumulate 2.5 Gigs of pictures. Go figure Anyway that is going to be my next little Sunday afternoon project - Putting together a scrap book of memories. Can't actually wait to get started.


So this is one of the many many pics I need to put into this book. Taken when we went on a road trip to Durban in September 2006.Also need to start reading more books again. Have all these amazing books I've bought and haven't yet read and starting to feel guilty.

My mind just jumped again. Read something the other day that asks the question "Are black women becoming too independent". Can't write down my thoughts on that as it would be too vulgar to be read. I am so pro women and our issues that I often tend to take it all to the next level.

Am outtie for now with the hopes that I will return and write some amazing stuff soon. Am inspired constantly but need to physically get down to putting all the brain waves onto paper before the brain freeze takes control all over again.

Could not help myself, here is another pic of me and my baby (niece). Here name is Malaika and she is a "mini me". Constantly being told how I looked and acted just like here when I was her age. This is also from August 2006 so you can just imagine.

Ode to Time & Love

Okay so it has been since November and feeling quite bad for not doing anything since then. Today is kind of a special day for me. Three years ago, on this particular day I met what I thought would be a quick fling...three years later and the fling aint a fling no more. Can't actually believe that time has gone by that quickly. I mean I remember exactly what he was wearing the day I met him, seems like just last week sometimes.

How quickly time flys by bring all kinds of things. Time has brought me good friendships (would not change any of my girls for the world) each one brings a completely new dimension into my life that I cant even begin to explain.

Time has brought me sadness and loss but with those came growth and wisdom. Still think of my grandfather constantly. Questioning why it is that people never quite know what they have 'til it's gone. Lala ngoxolo Khonjelwayo, Mlotshwa, Masina, Giyase.

Did I mention that time has brought me love in the form of Thabo...lol. How does the thought of a boy still make you smile that girlish smile three years later...Only God really knows. Our journey has not always been a smooth one (trust me) but all the bumps and meanders in the road have been worth it if it means that we are one step closer to reaching our destiny. Cant really describe what it is about him. It is the small things he does that to me mean the most. It's the little things in life that I am after. (this is obviously besides the dream house with massive windows and, yes 2 beautiful dogs playing in the back yard).

I thank Father Time for blessing me with wonderful role models in my two grandmothers and grandfather. I thank him for my wonderful friends -
Julz & Magz: We have come a long way from where we started off and innocent first years. I have not lost any innocence and am not at privelage to state your nyayas.
Stevie: Words often fail me. Some of the stuff we have gotten up to. All I can say is Friday was a blast and we once again had a Wimpy moment at the end of the evening.
Zoey: Regardless of how civilised you may try to act we all know what you are about and know that you will love us regardless of Friday night calls where we were laughing at you.
Kgomu/S'caza: Keep the faith. Have courage and all your dreams will soon become reality. Dont be so hard on yourself girl.

To all my other friends, ya'll know I have nothing but love for you. Thinking of you brings back back mad memories from falling off tables (Zoey), Losing shoes (Stevie), Bonding with the toilet seat (Julz), and blueness due to Sambucca(Magz)
There are so many other friends and just coz your name don't appear here dont me I love you any less.

To my friend, my soul mate, the love of my life and grandfather of our 9 grandchildren, today I love you just a little more than I did yesterday.

mmm...thought I would just...

Okay so it is just over two months since I wrote something. Mind you it aint like I didn’t have anything good or controversial to say it is just that with all the things that are currently happening in my life I am finding it difficult to stop and breathe. Mind you the things that are happening are good, exciting, new, better than ever although they are taking up to much of my time as well as energy.

On the work, front things finally happened and are in my new position. Yippee for me. I worked hard to get to where I am in this moment and am gonna enjoy every little, tiny tiny bit of it until that hunger to do more starts again. Family life is also pretty amazing, I find that my relationship with my parents has changed drastically over the past couple of months and the change has been for the better. Relationship wise, well well well. I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong this is not your average kinda happiness, this kind is the long lasting, wake up in the morning and feel good kinda happiness that makes you have an awesome day regardless of what other people say. I’ve found that to be happy in any relationship you need to be happy with yourself first.

Don’t quite know what to write about today, just felt like writing something so that people would know that I am still alive, busy, but alive and living life to the fullest. I find myself changing; the things that I want out of life are changing. I am no longer the girl I used to be when I started this blog and although some of it has been captured on the “evolution of being” much more has been experienced with friends and loved ones.

I am going to make an effort to write more often…not too sure where I will get the time to do all that but hey I can do anything I set my mind to.

I’m outtie for now, back to work and preparing for tomorrow.

My Body is my own...I refuse to be blessed

There has been this nagging irritation, this itch that has been bugging me for a while and I can never seem to get rid of it. Why is it that women never quite own their own bodies or minds? Growing up you “belong to your father, your mother, your parents, your family.” You then turn 16 or 17 or maybe even at the age of 21 you get a boyfriend and all of a sudden you are their possession, their girlfriend and no body else is entitled to you. You go from being a girlfriend to being a wife and once again, you are the sole property of your husband. Now the question that comes to mind right now is “So when do I belong to me. When do I possess ownership of myself as a woman?”

Why is it that men are constantly feeling the need to protect us and take up responsibility for our growth? Who asked them to do all this in the first place? I am my own woman and like many other women am getting really pissed off at constantly needing to be grateful to men for helping me along the way.

Now you probably wondering what brought all this up but I read an article tonight about how great or President has been in terms of women’s liberation and how much more he has done for “us” as opposed to other African leaders. On the flip side of this I recall another article read a couple of weeks ago which highlights almost the opposite stating that he’ll only support women if they basically “do as he says” and if they don’t then like our beloved Nozizwe they are voted out the tribe. Makes you wonder does not it.

Why must we as woman be grateful for finally being treated the way we should have been treated in the beginning? I refuse to be “blessed while in the presence of these great men”. Funny and strange, how when you express such feeling you all of a sudden become a man hater, a feminist, a bitter or angry woman. Why can’t I just be a woman who is expressing what she is feeling? Why is it that as soon as I have an opinion about something I all of a sudden become the enemy?

I count myself lucky though because I have been raised by a father who allowed me take ownership of my own body, who allowed and encouraged me to have an opinion about matters that were important to me and to also stand up for what I believe in regardless of whether others agreed with me or not. Now my father and I don’t always see eye to eye about everything but it’s okay because it is always at the times that we argue or disagree that I am most grateful for having him in my life.

Now my boyfriend on the other, I sometimes wonder how it happened that the two of us came across each other. I think the thing that attracts me to him is his strength in character, how he doesn’t seem to be intimidated by an educated woman who knows what she wants out of life. It’s difficult to find a person who respects you firstly as a human being before anything else comes into play. He has never tried to possess or take ownership of my being. We sometimes differ when it comes to certain issues but there is mutual respect there and by having a different opinion to him, I don’t become the enemy but rather the other side of the coin. He makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind up to do.

It’s at times like these I miss my grandfather who to me is the ultimate man. Now my grandfather was in no way perfect but by God, I loved him perfectly. To him gender did not determine what you could or could not do. People do what people need to do. In the 60s, he encouraged my grandmother to get her drivers license that was pretty strange for a black man of his times but to him driving a car was not solely reserved for men, it was something that he felt that everyone who has an opportunity to do should do. Now people often react strangely when they hear me talking about my now 78year old grandmother who not only drives but also has had her own car for many many many moons.

I grew up in a family where men and women have an equal voice, where they have equal responsibilities and mostly where no man owns or possesses the body or being of any woman. Perhaps that is why this itch just won’t go away, perhaps that is why I don’t understand why it is that we as woman act blessed when a man “empowers you”. Should this not be the way things should be from the get go.